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Joke of the Day
"*pulls up to a red light with my windows down blasting NPR*"
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"I know what it's like to be pulled back from death and appreciate life more since I dropped my cell phone in the toilet and it still works"
"People need to stop asking me about my 5 year outlook I don't have 2020 vision"
"What's the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws, while a comma is a pause at the end of a clause."
"[first day working at the pizzeria] Me [cheeks full like a hamster]: boss, we've run out of everything"
"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Famine_(Ireland)"
"Captain Oveur: Say Joey, you ever been in a cockpit before? Joey: No Sir, but I have been in a chicken coop."
"Heisenberg's wife was unhappy... because when he had the time, he didn't have the energy, and when he had the position, he didn't have the momentum. Credit to Greg and/or Terry from American Dad."
"""This website requires Java"" *gets cup of coffee* ""This website requires Java"" *looks at coffee* *throws coffee at monitor*"
"A good name for a dog would be syndrome. Because then you could say down, syndrome. -courtesy of norm macdonald ;)"