206798

Joke of the Day

"""Oh great! Just great!"" --guy showing up to the beach with a bunch of sand"

"I got invited to my first HS party... ten years too late, fuck you all i'm not going to the reunion, get bent."

"Killing mosquitoes by smashing them in mid-air as they fly by is so satisfying until you accidentally hit a person in the head."

"What's the difference between a white baby and a black baby ? 90 minutes in the oven."

"New Rule Prizefighters are now allowed to bring a loaded gun to a fist fight."

"I got my car towed by a celebrity yesterday. I don't even have THAT big of a car."

"No one who heard me talking to my dog would assume that English is my first language."

"My son has about 12 seconds to learn patience."

"HER: You didn't make a reservation? ME: I got this. (to Maitre D') Perhaps *this* will jog your memory? M: A handful of Skittles, sir?"

"Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor Bastard."