200749

Joke of the Day

"So Mickie Mouse says to Minnie, ""I want a divorce... To which Minnie replies, ""Are you fucking crazy!?"" Mickie says ""No, I'm fucking Daisy"""

"*wife puts down dinner plate* *single pea rolls off plate* Me: oh no we have an esca-pea Wife: Me: I don't care I think it's still funny"

"I have no job, no car, and I live with my parents. Making a Tinder profile as a teenager is difficult."

"Walk of shame?? More like, walk of don't judge ME because YOU didn't get laid last night."

"What did the overbearing mother melon say to her son and his girlfriend? You Cantaloupe."

"I always keep a picture of my wife and children in my wallet. It reminds me why there's no money in there."

"There's no reason to be tailgating me when I'm doing 50 in a 35. And those flashing lights on top of your car looks ridiculous!"

"Why do vampire's use linux? Because they don't like windows in their house. Ba^Dum^Tss"

"If you can only be good at one thing, be good at cheating... Because if you're good at cheating, you're good at everything."

"What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack!* ""Fuck!"" A skydiver goes ""Fuck!"" *whack!*"