197183

Joke of the Day

"I signed up on Match.com... They set me up with a couch and a bottle of hand lotion... ...on the bright side it was my 1st 3-way."

"Did you hear about the witch who fed her pet vulture on sawdust? The vulture laid ten eggs and when they hatched nine chicks had wooden legs and the tenth was a woodpecker."

"I feel so off the grid. I watched the Grampas instead of the Grammys last night."

"What do you call the death of the Trilobites? An Epoch fail!"

"Hulk Hogan walks into a tanning salon and drops a saddle on the counter. ""Make me look like this brother!"""

"Father is talking with his son DAD: Whaddya got there, son? SON: Soy milk. DAD: Hola milk, soy tu padre."

"I wish I had the exciting social life my mom must have envisioned when she used to stitch my name into my underwear."

"Why did Snoop Dogg go to Germany? For Schnitzel."

"Amazing how in the last 30 years, the United States has completely transitioned from an industrial powerhouse to a brunch-based economy."

"Pete and Marco Rubio are on a boat. Pete falls off. Who is left? Marco Rubio"