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Joke of the Day

"Wife has been adding a little baby oil to her baths, which is cool because I have always wanted to quickly be laying down in the shower."

"What does a man with one leg wear to the beach? Flop."

"What if Lady Gaga was half Irish, half Japanese? Rady O'Gaga"

"Drive down the middle of my street and make me squeeze by you, so I know who to murder first when the apocalypse hits."

"Dear Restaurant Managers: If more than 3 employees ask me how I'm enjoying my meal, I begin to wonder if you know something I don't know."

"Florida is about to release millions of genetically modified mosquitoes. I hope when they bite you they make you drive better."

"What's the best give you can give someone? A broken drum because you just can't beat it."

"I'd like to give a shout out Shout out to all the people wondering what the opposite of in is."

"What food should you avoid if you don't want to go to court? Sue-shi! I'll excuse myself."

"I woke up with an erection the other day... It worried me because it wasn't mine"