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Joke of the Day

"There's a new 12 step program for people who can't stop talking. On-and-on-anon."

"""What doesn't kill you makes you smaller!"" -ask Super Mario"

"I'm sorry you're breaking up [static sound] I'm about to go through a tunnel. Dad, we're right in front of you Uh..... go ask your mom."

"Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question."

"My neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber."

"If only we had more money for mosquito nets in Africa... think of all the mosquitoes we could save from dying needlessly of AIDS."

"It's a far cry for Pokemon Omega Ruby to catch up to Alpha Sapphire in sales https://games.yahoo.com/blogs/plugged-in/xbox-one-surges-to-console-victory-in-november-012230994.html"

"The circus serves as a great analogy for marriage. You're either walking the tightrope or holding a chair because you told her to calm down."

"Dance like no one's a werewolf. Eat like you found it in the couch. Shout like your cat's sleeping. Feel good like a bossy poem told you to."

"Reddit, I am a huge fan of corny jokes. The punnier the better. Gimme your best shot. I'll give you one of my favorites: What does a tree do when it goes on vacation? It packs its trunk and leaves."