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Joke of the Day

"where did alice go during the explosion? everywhere"

"What has four legs but can't walk? A chair."

"Where do Neanderthals shop? Cave-mart."

"We're all born with scars. from the moment we open our eyes and look at the world we are wounded, we all share that same mark... Bellybuttons."

"Leap years mean nothing when you have bad knees."

"What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and a colored wash? Whites occasionally get into a colored wash."

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye... but I dumped her because she kept seeing people on the side."

"If you didn't want me to wash my car on your lawn than you never should have turned your sprinkler on."

"What did Beethoven do when he died? Decompose."

"I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone."