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Joke of the Day

"How do you tell the difference between an X and Y chromosome? You pull down its genes."

"You're trapped in a room with a tiger a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? You shoot the lawyer. Twice."

"Contents of my wallet just spilled all over the cashier's counter, so embarrassing, spiders everywhere."

"taylor swift: oh my god look at that face you look like my next mistake me [with mouth full of like way too many Doritos]: what"

"How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce ""unionized""."

"So, I asked a few former Wall Street employees how they were going to clean their record... ...""Submerse it in water"", they said. The bath-tards."

"A man is in his doctors office. The doctor says ""Sir you need to stop masturbating"". ""Why"" asks the man. The doctor replies ""It's making it difficult to finish the examination""."

"Someone should make a website that allows you to anonymously chat with random Jews from around the world. They could call it 'Oi-megle'."

"a 3-way standoff between a duck with a laser pointer, a cat with a vacuum cleaner, and a dog with a loaf of bread"

"""I know,, Let's tape a spider to a lobster and scare the crap out of everyone."" God, when He made scorpions"