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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has great food, but no atmosphere."

"[screaming over sirens] I SAID ACTUALLY YOU'RE NOT ""FIGHTING"" THE FIRE YOU'RE WATERING IT"

"Why did the guy gay go to prison? For HOMO-cide."

"I saw Denzel Washington on the street today. I said ""Hey Denzel! Can I get a picture with you?"" And he's all like ""I'm not Denzel Washington you racist piece of shit."" Classic Denzel."

"What did Davy Crockett say when he showed up to the Alamo? ""What are all these landscapers doing here?"""

"My wife asked me what super hero I would be at the party.. I told her a giant dick that comes to the rescue"

"What state is the highest on every top 50 list? Colorado."

"Do you realize that if real women had the same proportions as Barbie they'd be only 11.5 inches tall?"

"What's the difference between a zombie and a redneck? One is a brainless, dirty, slow moving abomination, and the other is a zombie."

"Me: goodnight moon Moon: It's 6pm Me: I know but I'm tired Moon: I literally just got here"