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Joke of the Day

"I was raised half Jewish and half Catholic. When I'd go to confession, I'd say ""Bless me, father, for I have sinned and you know my attorney, Mr.Cohen."""

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"Who would win a fight between Lemmy and God? Trick question. Lemmy is God *The world lost a great musician today"
"Nothing says ""I probably don't have a mode of transportation"" like being the dude hugging another dude on the back of a Harley."
"According to Verizon, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ."
"I'm sorry I'm late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the fuck he was protecting his eyes from."
"What has 2000 eyes and 4000 feet? A thousand dogs."
"Hubs says when I drink I'm ""too loud"" and use too many ""big words."" WELL I'M SORRY IF MY VOCIFEROUS GRANDILOQUENCE BOTHERS YOU!!"
"I got a Trophy Wife but it was for participation"
"Why do blondes have bruises on their bellybuttons? Because blonde guys aren't that smart either"
"It's not that I think I'm out of your league. Its more that I'm not even sure we're playing the same sport."