171523

Joke of the Day

"What type of fruit can you not eat just one of? A Pair!"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants. One's a crusty bus station while the other's a busty crustacean."

"Those boots are made for walking? Wow, so are most boots. Give me a call when they're made for castrating antelope or something."

"New 10 dollar bill did you hear about the new 10 dollar bill with a women on it ? ... it's only worth $7.70"

"I could be the next American Idol!! If they could just let me bring my shower on stage..."

"[first date] Me: You into role playing? Her: Kinky, what do you have in mind? Me: You fake a heart attack and we get our meal for free."

"""Damn girl! I think you're giving me mesothelioma cuz yo ass bestest!"""

"While in my car I drove beneath an overpass that was getting some work done on it I was under construction."

"Conservatives after a mass shooting: ""You can't take our guns!"" Conservatives after a police shooting: ""But he had a gun!"" I'm confused."

"Pessimist: Oh, this can't get any worse! Optimist: Yes, it can!"