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Joke of the Day

"Doctors love to slip in that worst case scenario. ""It could be a cold or strep throat or WEST NILE VIRUS but I'm sure it's nothing."""

"How many pandas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Technically, just two, but it is really hard to get them to breed in captivity."

"ufo crew: why are we hovering? ufo captain: i wanna pet those dogs ufo crew: why not land? ufo cap: those talking monkeys are annoying af"

"The Game You just lost."

"*as girl walks in* 98, 99, *grunts* 100 ""Wow, push-ups?"" Uhm, no? Just learning to count."

"For my next magic trick i'll need a condom and a volunteer."

"A man was asked if he would rather have a new circular saw or a ladder... He chose the latter."

"What's the difference between a drummer in a rock'n'roll band and an extra large pizza? The extra large pizza can feed a family of four."

"God damn it! I said ""glass of juice"" not ""gas the jews"". -Hitler"

"How do we know God's not a woman? We're not sandwiches."