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Joke of the Day

"when zombies can't sleep it's called inzombnia holy shit that was a huge slice of comedy pie I bet you're all full now I sure am"

"The strangest thing happened to me on the train today. Found a book titled ""How to increase your Memory Power"" left behind on a seat. Now, that's irony!"

"What Does an Angry Sheep Say in Battle? Fus Ro BAAAAAAAA."

"What did the manager say to his new Chinese intern? How, are you?"

"After reviewing my life, God may very well issue another 5 to 10 commandments. Sorry, guys."

"If Drake owned a breakfast cereal franchise, what would it be called? OV O's!"

"You did not have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up"

"If I stalked you any harder, you'd be a missing person."

"Say ""Literally"" and ""Legit"" a few more times in that sentence so I know it's literally legit"

"Two lawyers are in a bar, and see a hot blonde sitting alone One of the lawyers looks at her and says ""Boy, I'd love to fuck her."" The second lawyer looked over and responded, ""out of what?"""