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Joke of the Day

"After taking a massive dump, a cockroach in toilet bowl startled me so badly I forgot to flush. I was scared shitless..."

"My wife made me pack my own bag for vacation and now I have to figure out how to wear potato chips."

"My girlfriend's dog died so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one. She was livid. ""What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"""

"Then there was the guy who fell into a vat of molten optical glass after drinking too much. Just two glasses, and look what a spectacle he made of himself."

"If 4 people having sex is a foursome.... 3 people having sex is a threesome... And 2 people having sex is a twosome... Does that make me handsome?"

"My dad doesn't see why he should pay a mechanic to rotate his tires. He says they're rotating the entire time he's driving!"

"A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM"

"My love is like a candle, if you forget me, i will burn your fucking house down"

"What's the safest place in Dallas during a tornado? The Cowboys stadium, the only place there'll never be a touchdown"

"What do you call an 83 year old black man? Dick Gregory"