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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Jewish baby who isn't circumcised? A girl."

"Inspired by a recent ELI5: ""Why is milk measured in gallons and soda in litres"", I present this oldie... Q: What comes in quarts? . . A: Elephants"

"What did the bad soccer announcer get in his stocking? COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!"

"Apparently Mr. Neeson's ""particular set of skills"" is terrible at keeping his family from getting kidnapped."

"""Sorry we're late. We had to stop so I could pee."" ""For two hours?!"" ""Yeah. It came out really slow."""

"I have Restless Life Syndrome."

"A woman is just like a condom. If she's not on your dick, she's in your wallet."

"Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the 2nd one would have ducked..."

"What do Leonardo Dicaprio Babe Ruth have in common? They both won when neither of them were competing against black people!"

"Cop: Why didn't you stop when I shouted at you back there? Motorist: I thought you were saying ""Good morning Mr. Mayor."" Cop: Right. I wanted to warn you about going too fast through the next town."