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Joke of the Day

"Why... Can't illegal US immigrants play Uno? Because they keep stealing all the Green Cards"

"Two fish are in a tank one fish looks at the other fish and says... How the fuck do we drive this thing dude?"

"If McDonalds wants to check my $10 bill for signs of counterfeit, I should be able to check their chicken for chicken."

"I named my first dog ""What"". Only now did I just realize why the guy on tech support was getting so angry when he repeatedly asked ""What is the name of your first pet?"" and I kept answering ""Yes."""

"What do you call a battle of wordplay? Pun-fu fighting"

"You think you're pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else's shower."

"My pick-up line used to be ""Hey babe, I'm a hotspot. Wanna log-on""? doesn't work anymore, now they just yell at me ""fuck off you homeless begger""."

"I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know."

"911: What's your emergency? ""I put the Ford in affordable housing."" 911: Are you flirting? ""No I crashed into some apartments. SEND HELP"""

"I really hate people who never have bread for breakfast... You can say I'm lack toast intolerant I'll ^see ^^myself ^^^out"