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Joke of the Day

"Did you know pigeons die after they have sex At least the one I fucked did Edit:Apparently this is not a new joke..Its new to me"

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"bowie leaves us and then a 9th planet appears, i don't need to read your science article"
"I used to have a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing."
"It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. Wouldn't that make frowning an exercise? You lazy bastards."
"British accent. Say ""Beer can"" with a British accent... I just taught you how to say ""Bacon"" with a Jamaican accent. ."
"Where should you take your cat, if it somehow loses its tail? Walmart, they're the world's biggest retailer. Thank you. I'll be here all week."
"Me: How's it look? Doc: You have 2 months to live M: WHAT?? You're my dentist! D: Then you don't need to come back for a cleaning in 6 mos"
"What kind of car does a cat drive? A Cadillac."
"I'm making a documentary... I'm making a controversial documentary that reveals decades of covered-up sexual misconduct in youth tennis programs across the country. It's called *15 - Love*."
"Do you know about the group of hipster sheep? Never mind, you haven't herd of them."