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Joke of the Day
"*Opens fortune cookie* ~You just ate cat, you thought was beef."
Next Joke
"Someone: What are you up to? Me: Fuxing with all my facebook friends via their newsfeeds. You?"
"Second date tip: repeat everything you said on the first date, word for word."
"How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb? Two. The light bulb you remove and the light bulb you replace it with."
"Anita Sarkeesian The Armenian genocide was funny as fuck and I laughed a lot."
"I do this amazing trick where I can erase every restaurant from your memory. Ready? Ok, here goes... ""Where should we go for dinner?"""
"I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don't actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad."
"Torn this election season. I think it would be awesome to have the first woman president. But I'm also curious about the apocalypse."
"daylight savings I've been told my clocks have to go back tonight but I can't even remember where I bought them from"
"My mom once called me at 3am to tell me some long lost relative died and hung up on me when I asked if they'd still be dead at 8am."