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Joke of the Day

"After a few bites of sunflower butter I've never been more fully prepared to buy a Prius."

"What's the fastest way to get a female Officer to arrest you? Liquor."

"My sister bet me I couldn't make a czar out of spaghetti... Boy was she surprised when I introduced her to [Ditalini of Pereslav](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dmitry_of_Pereslavl)!"

"SHUT UP. BEES CAN'T SPELL."

"Someone said to me today that my clothes are gay. I said yeah, they came out of the closet this morning."

"Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Susie."

"That picture of yourself that you hate now will look better than the best possible picture of you in five years."

"Why was the priest afraid of trigonometry? cos sin"

"A zombie ate the brain of a taekwondo master. The zombie said, ""Mmmm. That had a nice kick to it."""

"What's long and hard, except for Asians? Math class. Credit to troller_awesomeness"