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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic... But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord."

"*Superman put glasses on Mt. Rushmore faces* Lois Lane: ""What the heck?? Who are those people up there?"""

"What happens when you see two twin sister witches? You don't know which witch is which!"

"So my ear doctor said... ...""If you continue down this path, soon you will lose your hearing."" and i asked. ""So no more PewdiePie videos?"""

"Which bird ran for President? H. Ross Parrot"

"You don't need a hunting licence if you shoot a turkey and plant a very small gun on him."

"Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin. The Gravity of this Situation."

"Why don't blind people skydive more often? It scares the shit outta their dog! - - - - **Now how do the blind people know they're about to hit the ground ?** The leash gets slack."

"The first woman on the Moon... ""Houston, we have a problem."" ""What?"" ""Never mind."" ""What's the problem?"" ""Nothing."" ""Please tell us?"" ""You know what the problem is."""

"Someone should make a food app that connects to your bank account and only lists restaurants you can afford, could call it Welp"