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Joke of the Day

"I'm selling a WWII relic.... A beautiful French rifle. It's never been fired and only dropped once."

"I wait tables with an obnoxious ex-mechanical engineer... ...he's always going on and on about the restaurant's utensil modulus."

"What do you call a nun who's drinking a pint? Catholic"

"George Bush repeatedly tries to crack a coconut on the side of a hot skillet ""Laura, I told you not to buy the god damn hairy eggs anymore"""

"Think of a number. Realize that number will never think of you too. Lay on your bathroom floor and sob."

"My girlfriend broke up with me. She said ""I'm sorry, but you're just too immature."" I looked her dead in the face and said ""Get the fuck outa my treehouse!"""

"I got my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday. I know it's not the greatest gift in the world, but you should have seen her face light up when she opened it."

"Why do people wash their clothes in Tide? Because it's too cold out-tide."

"90% of Men in Chicago have had shower sex The other 10% have never been to prison."

"The closest I've been to murder is holding my choco-chip cookie under the milk until the bubbles stop..."