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Joke of the Day

"Potty training my twins is like the Titanic's maiden voyage... In the beginning we are excited, in the end everyone is crying and all wet."

"Whats the difference between Zoidburg and Snowden? both accused of treason for expressing their freedom but Zoidburg didn't get his marshmallows!"

"Q: How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb? A: Change?"

"What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this sh*t."

"If there was someone selling drugs in this place... .... Weed know."

"My Jr High teacher makes me have sex with her while her husband watches, but that's not the worst part. ....I'm homeschooled."

"I have the Emergency Alert Warning sound set as the ringtone for when my wife calls."

"How did the fish's tail get stuck in the anchor chain? It was just a fluke!"

"Her: Baby, do that thing that makes me hot Me: *kisses her neck* H: *slaps me* I MEANT turn the thermostat up dummy, it's freezing in here"

"Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection."