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Joke of the Day

"The higher they are, the more spaced out they get What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? &nbsp; ^^The ^^punchline ^^need ^^not ^^be ^^always ^^at ^^the ^^end..."

"I count it as a random act of kindness when you see me in public and pretend you didn't."

"My life is a constant struggle between wanting people to text me and never wanting to reply to texts."

"All the world does is try to tear us apart. -me to my bed every morning"

"combine the name of the first enemy you ever had and the name of the last thing you ate out of a microwave to get your Horrible Asshole Name"

"Did you hear about the woman who used a fake name and married a renown psychologist? She committed Frued. Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week."

"When I lost my virginity, it was great....... When I finally saw a vagina in real life, it was like meeting a celebrity. I was like ""Oh my god! I've seen all your movies!"""

"The chicken crossed the road. Him: Why did the chicken cross the road ? Her: Because she had heard that the mayor was going to lay a cornerstone and she wanted to see if he could really do it."

"Let's turn that frown upside down! ** **does handstand** **"

"Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. ^^^^^Sorry"