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Joke of the Day

"Hey guys, have you heard about the new corduroy pillow? It's making head lines!"

"[ brings ouija board to your grave ] ""Okay, now will you tell me why her number was in your phone?"""

"A jumper cable walks into a bar The bartender says, ""Sure, you can stay, but don't start anything!"""

"Why wasn't the astronaut paying attention? Because he was spaced out."

"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just Juan."

"According to my current parking spot, I'm Chief of Police."

"Got caught smelling my sisters underwear yesterday. Made the rest of her funeral very fucking awkward."

"Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers.. If you do find one... What's your plan?"

"There's an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn't just hard it's impossible."

"Did you hear Kevin Trudeau is working on a new book? It's called Prison Yard Secrets ""They"" Don't Want You to Know About."